Let me warn you, I will be using strong language in this entry.

A few days ago I came across an article on Yahoo! Health entitled "Eat Like Jillian." The Jillian is Jillian Michaels, health and fitness expert from The Biggest Loser and a SELF contributing editor. The article is a layout of how this busy lady stays fit and healthy.

How does this powerhouse fuel her jam-packed schedule? She prioritizes. "If I didn't work out and watch what I ate, I'd easily be 200 pounds," she admits. "I'm not the girl who loves to go to the gym. And I'm not the girl who loves broccoli, either. But I am the girl who feels potent, capable and confident when she feels strong, and I don't want to give that up. To me, it's about building a better body." Find out what a fitness guru really eats with SELF's day in the diet of Jillian Michaels.

Breakfast
To start the day off right, Michaels stocks up on carbs for long-lasting energy. "Breakfast is usually whole-grain Ezekiel English Muffins with almond butter," she says. "And I eat two whole English Muffins, about 500 calories." Try these breakfast recipes!

Lunch
"For lunch, I'll usually have some sort of fish and veggies," says Michaels, who usually eats with her Biggest Loser contestants. "Salmon carpaccio and a vegetable or salad. But if it comes with cheese, I won't eat the cheese."

Snack
For a quick afternoon pick-me-up, "I'll have hummus and carrot sticks or chips and salsa or an orange and raw almonds or Brazil nuts," she says. "A little bit of protein and a little bit of carbs." No matter what she's munching on, you can bet it'll be the healthiest option. Try these snack ideas!

Dinner
"I try to cut out carbs whenever possible," Michaels says of her final meal. "And I eat organic whenever possible. I work with organic chefs who help me on my website and we create recipes and test them out. I eat fish a lot."

Sweet treat
"I try to get my dark chocolate in somewhere throughout the day," she admits. "I have to have it. I work it into my calorie allowance and I will always have 200 calories of chocolate...always!" Try these 250-calorie dessert recipes!

To which i say FUCK YOU.

For lunch she just goes out and has salmon carpaccio! Oh to have the luxury. At my jobs I'd get 30 minutes for lunch. That's not 30 minutes to eat, that's 30 minutes to get lunch, eat, and get back to the job. My jobs have been surrounded by places like Philly's Best, Five Faces (best gyros in Chicago!), Billy Goat's Tavern, Chipotle, McDonald's. To my knowledge none of these places specialize in fresh fish and tossed salad!

And wouldn't it be great to have organic chefs to throw ideas around with for dinner! And while we're talking organic, the nearest Whole Foods to my place just closed down. I'm not sure why, but a couple months ago it was reported that they had rats. Take that organic food and shove it.

Look, clearly I'm mad about this article. I've been battling some weight gain for the past couple years. What ticks me off is when you see a link that says "Diet tips from a professional trainer" or "10 ways to eat healthier" and the advice turns out to involve either broad concepts like "Eat Organic" or involve hiring your own cooking staff. It's not only depressing but insulting. Its like saying "If you want a good apple, pick a ripe one. How do you do that? Hire an apple picker:)"

Thanks for enduring my rant. I hope you've saved 200 calories for some food related photos from Morocco.

Fruit stand in Casablanca
Street Chef in Casablanca cooking in "Tagines", a popular national cooking style